I Met A Man Once

 I met a man once. His name was...

Well, I can't say his name out loud. You might think its out of fear but really its because he has become he-who-must-not-be-named!

I couldn't help that exclamation mark. So yeah, its that bad.

And though he didn't hurt me like other men have, I still wish I had not experienced knowing him. I still wish I had stayed out all those times I walked out on him. I have realized now that it was my inward intuition bearing witness to the fact that it was all off. That it was too good to be true. And then wondering when he'd put off the mask.

Ohohoho, he did put off the mask...and so suddenly that I was shook. I never expected to be, mind you. I mean I didn't love him that much. 

I realized then, that when you don't call the shots anymore, it seriously hurts. You think you're heartbroken but you're really not. You're just shocked and boy you know what shock does to the human heart.

Anyways. I thought he was the epitome of a good man. For me, he had all of the qualities I want in a man. Well. Not all the qualities as I've always been drawn to taller men but he was short. 

I used to run away from short men. I remember one really good guy I've known for a long time who was serious about me. And for a long while, I really really liked him back and wanted him to myself but when I get into relationships, I'm looking at the long term. Marriage. And kids. And because I'm a short woman, I know that I do not want short kids.

Lol before I completely deviate from the main story.

This man had all the qualities I wanted. He gave me all the attention I wanted and never thought possible for a man to give. He was there a few times when I needed him and he came through for me financially without me even needing to ask. But all that came with one imperfection. 

Boy, I'm not talking about the height this time. 

He was really impatient.

And I'm a little impatient.

Now add us two together and picture all the things that could go wrong...

A lot right?

And that's correct, a lot did go wrong. But at a point, I started to be intentional in my being patient. If he wasn't going to be the patient one, then I could be right? I tried. I let a lot of things slide but it wasn't enough. Or maybe I should use his signature phrase. "You're not seeing when I'm trying" yes. He was doing that to me too and yet was the only one who complained about it all the time.

In the end, it was a disappointment to see him go...especially as it was when I was ready to start giving my 100%. And if I told you the last thing he was impatient about that broke the Camel's back, you would not be surprised...but then, you would be surprised too.

Two weeks after the split, after praying about it, I got a message that my inner witness confirmed. We both had good intentions for each other but our personalities were too strong for each other and so it was never going to work no matter the love and efforts we put into it whenever we were not arguing about something we had different opinions about. 

It doesn't hurt anymore but I can't stop thinking about him, and how glad I am that I didn't say yes to him in time.