Dear he-who-must-not-be-named!
You texted me, "let's let it go. Gave it our best
shot." Just at the time I was reading. "God tells you to put
something down because he has something greater for you" and it made
complete sense. I knew exactly what to do at that point. I knew that he actually
wanted me to let you go.
I did not know why, I
did not want to let you go, but I knew then that he was answering my prayer of
three-four months ago when I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship
with any man again except he's actually my life partner, and how he should give
me the wisdom to relate with the men in my life at that time,
To not make the same mistakes as I did in the past, and that
if I ever got really close in love with any of them and he wasn't the right
one, that God should find a way to make something happen between us that would
cause us to let each other go before we agreed to be exclusive.
I realized that he had answered that prayer with you several
times but I had been the one letting you back in because at first, I was trying
not be a bad person. And because I liked your company and the way you helped
me. Then it became, because I really really liked you.
But it felt to me that God had to honour my requests. He let
us separate in such a way that was really hard, painful and didn’t make sense,
yet didn't make me feel lost or helpless.
Try, but I can't say I learnt a lesson with you. Or that you
shocked me because you didn't. Everything I was afraid of, everything I was
holding back on you for, was what happened. Now I’m regretting that I hid my
vulnerability wondering about the ‘’what ifs’’ and not really sure what to
believe anymore.
Comments