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Naked?



I stand here. 

Naked!

Well, not the regular naked you know. Just the one when all of your mind has been bared... All the hopes, all the fears, all the regrets, all the thoughts... 
Nothing left to say. 

And yet, I do not feel free. 

The burden still weighs me down.

I look all over my body... 
Maybe there's still some left trace of the dress. .. Dress that was ripped off me with my say. Dress I had made up my mind to forget. 

I mean it was New... made of a fine And luxurious material... Real thin like a one piece bathing suit but had the wieght of the world when I put it on. 

I wore it thinking I could handle it... Maybe the dresses before were so Light and So unworthy Of me...thats why they didn't last. They didn't have the thing in them that could keep me happy and free. 

I couldn't handle it.

After a few times of wearing it changed its shade of colour. 
I thought it pink before but I started to see red. 

Crimson red! 

Was I better in my other dresses? 
Woah. No 
They were really bad for me... 
And crimson became worse. 

Have you ever heard the phrase "from fry pan to fire?"
Yeah. Thats how crimson made me feel. And yet,  I wore it on. Hoping I would get used to it. Hoping I would understand it. 

And in some ways, I did understand it. But every time I realized that I did, I regretted it because I didn't get the chance to prove that I did. I only felt its weight. 

Everyday my hope grew... 
The dress would finally be normal for me... It's weight would soon merge With my own body and become one. 

I waited...
I hoped... 
I adjusted. 

I waited... 
I hoped... 
I adjusted yet again. 

Over and over, it continued . My hope coming to life and then dying soon after. It felt like a game. 

A Mind game. 

Why game? Why the mind? 
I thought I had it. I thought it was mine. All of the first times...all of the losses I didn't count as that. All of the pleasures... the smiles, the laughs, the frowns, the explanations, the pleasing... All of the memories... 

And yet I got stuck. 
I couldnt get away...hell, I couldn't get out of crimson. 

Haha, it had become one with me but not the "one" I wanted. I felt squashed, I felt hot, I felt used... Damn, I felt useless. 
Stupid? Add that too...  

naive too. 

I could not thrive. I swear, I tried.

How can the love of something so beautiful and pure looking break the body and spirit so bad that nothing else means anything?

Damn you crimson, you're not the only dress in the world... 

And so I tugged... 
Not with my hands but my mind...Like a magic woman would, lifting objects, ripping sheets and upending houses with her mind. 

It worked! 

Crimson came off easily... 
No stress, no pulling me back, no apologies or feels that felt like it wanted another chance. 

And I cared... I hated that I did. 
I wanted to feel wanted... I needed to feel loved. But I was fine as long as I lost its choking weight.

Well, I thought it worked. 

Maybe it did... Or maybe I just found out the weight was all me.
 
And I'm still naked. 

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