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The Lost One

For Big T


I see myself in this big world...
So big I'm certain I'm lost.
Who do I know?
Who am I supposed to know?
I turn left and everyone runs away from me.
I turn right... Same thing.
I start walking.
Where I'm headed, I don't know.
I just know I need to find a place where I can rest my head
And lose my sense of being lost.
I meet a man and woman.
They welcome me, give me food and water,
Give me clothing, give me shelter...
And every other thing within their reach.
It's not enough but it's something.
And I feel at home...
I'm no longer lost.
Years pass and the feeling of being lost returns.
This time, I'm certain I have a roof over my head.
But when I look up, it's just the sky I see.
I start walking again.
I meet some people...
I really don't remember what they look like.
I only know some are good for my walk and others are bad...
So bad I pray never to see with my eyes people like that ever again.
I keep walking...
I meet a man.
And another man...
And then another man.
He says he loves me, he says he cares...
But I find it hard to believe.
Action speaks louder than words any time, any day.
But I love him and so choose to stay with him at least for a bit.
He touches my body and I let him every single time.
I won't lie, I love to touch him too.
I stop feeling lost...
I've found my place in this big world.
We laugh, we talk about our dreams...
About what the world is turning into...
Politics, romance, career, life in general.
We even talk about family...
But there's just an itsy bitsy problem.
Actually, it's a full blown problem.
He has his own family...
The self made type where he's the father, there's a mother
And some kids.
I try to pull out but he says it'll be fine.
I let him talk me into believing that.
But will it be fine?
Did it turn out to be fine?
I know the answer but I'm too ashamed to say it.
I'm too embarrassed to confirm with my mouth that he never did love me...
He never cared.
Was it a "body" thing?
Skin gratification?
Whatever it was, it's over.
Now I realise I never really had a place in this big world.
It was just me living in my dream.
And now I'm awake...
And still lost. 

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