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The Secret Diaries 20


I took a cab to coconut beach…my place of comfort. I always got my head cleared there and I made sure no one knew…it was my secret place. Not even Kendra knew about it. Just sitting under one of the coconut trees, feeling the ocean breeze caress my skin…especially the area attached to my head…my face and watching the waves race against the sand on the beach was enough to make me forget anything that hurt. I thought it was a good idea, running to it then.
But it wasn’t.

The place gave off a romantic vibe…something I never noticed until then. The place was filled with people…especially couples…lovers…who looked really happy with each other. Why couldn’t I be happy in a relationship? The first guy I’d ever really loved…


Was that really love? Was this what love was about or did people have it all wrong? I sulked, tried my best not to stare at the lovers all around but it was as they say…your best never entirely wins…
I was miserable…

But I stayed…all day and almost all night, my knees up turned, my hands around my legs. At 10:45, I grabbed my shoes and my purse and walked bare feet away from the beach. I took the first cab home.It was a long drive and I liked it…I liked the quiet…I couldn’t feel the hurt…I wasn’t upset anymore. I just wanted to get home and into my bed…

…and under my covers.

And I didn’t get to knock. Kendra must have been waiting up for me and heard the cab drop me off because she opened the door immediately.

“Hey, where have you been?” she asked in a small voice. “Your phone has been off all day.”

“Kendra please I’m tired.” I said to her and for once, she left me alone. I went into my room, peeled off every piece of clothing from my body and climbed into bed. Yes, I didn’t even bother about a bath.

I must have drifted off and so didn’t hear him come in. I felt a hand and woke up to him smoothening my hair. I mean, my eyes were still closed but it had to be him. I was sure I could smell him…his smell was unique.

I could have been in the midst of a crowd…full of different smells and still be able to distinguish his. I guess I was too into him. Hell, I was crazy in love with him and wanted him back…but I needed him to do all the work this time.

I opened my eyes and stared at him. The room was dark so of course, he couldn’t see that I was looking at him. I was lying on my stomach, my head (on a pillow) facing sideways. He was seated beside me…talking to my supposedly sleeping form, about Lola…who she was, and how much he loved me and would choose me over every other woman.
Including your mum? i was tempted to ask but felt it’d be going too far. His hand moved down to my back, trailing down my spine with the covers as an obstacle.

For me…        
       
Because right then, I wanted his touch…I wanted him…all of him…skin to skin…and I wanted all the unhappiness to go. I wanted us to be alright again.

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Drama Queen

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