The Secret Diaries 17

   She shut up immediately and stared at me then. An awkward silence filled the room.

“I know you think it shouldn’t bother me but it does…I’m in love with him.” I continued. The tears I’d been struggling to keep back in decided they’d had enough and began to roll down my cheeks…slowly.

“We went to Vegas as just friends…or should I say, employer and employee, then came homes as lovers. I mean, he asked me to be his girl and I agreed. It was official.”

Kendra still stared at me, concern on her face. I bet she was wishing she hadn’t forced me into talking. My tears rolled down faster.

“I was excited, I was even looking forward to telling you about it. I wanted to come home straight from the airport but he asked me to stay the night with him. I agreed. I mean, it was just one more night to savour being together…alone before he goes back to work and get all caught up.”

Kendra decided then she had to say something…or at least do something. She pulled me into a hug and told me she understood and I didn’t have to talk about anymore but I was already far gone in my story.

 I wanted to finish it…and I told her so. 

She listened till the end…then lay in bed with me, holding my hand. I couldn’t sleep…she didn’t sleep. My phone rang consistently, a few more times but I didn’t even check to know who…

I was so sure it was Daniel.

It felt like hours had gone by when someone knocked on our door…and kept knocking until Kendra went to see who it was. I heard his voice, asking to see me and my first instinct was to lock my door. I got back into bed and pulled the covers over my head.

Ten minutes or so later, Kendra was knocking on my door asking me to open up but I didn’t. she knocked a few more times and then Daniel started knocking too.

Incessantly…

And threatening to break down the door. I heard him exchange a few words with Kendra and then all the noise drowned as I took my earphones from the reading table and slid it over my ears. It stayed on until morning when I woke up.

I took it off and glanced at the wall clock on my left.

5:30

Really early.

I tried to sleep back couldn’t so I got out of bed. The events of the past night came into view in my mind and I groaned. I didn’t want to think about it, hell I didn’t even want to remember. I attached my earphones to my phone once more and was about to turn on the music when I saw twenty-eight missed calls and six messages. Two were from my mum, three from a certain number that wasn’t saved on my phone, the rest and all six text messages were from Daniel. As much as I was hurt, I was touched that he had called and texted over and over again just to…

Well, I wasn’t sure what he was calling for…to explain things? He really had a fiancée, it wasn’t a misunderstanding…to beg me? Why would he beg me? Maybe to forgive him for playing with my feelings this past two weeks.

Fury rose in me.

There I was, embarrassing myself with him and all the while, he had been toying with e. I wondered what must have gone on in his mind…those times I was trying to be sexy and turn him on, or the times people said we were a cool couple or even the first night when I talked him into making love to me. At midnight when I had roused from my sleep in his arms and saw him watching me…I asked what was wrong but he replied by asking me to be his girlfriend…that he was ready. What was he really thinking?

I immediately deleted the text messages before I could read it, then decided to call mum and the strange number an hour or two later. I created a new playlist on my phone full of music that had nothing to do with love or relationships and hit play. 

The first song that came on was Emeli Sande…Read all about it. And then, I went about cleaning the apartment.

I’d just finished frying eggs for breakfast when Kendra came into the kitchen.

“Wow, the whole place is sparkling.” She said behind me. I was placing the fried egg into a flat plate and didn’t turn around even after she talked.

“Somebody is really upset this morning.” she sang

What was new about it? 

Of course I’m upset, really upset and when I’m upset about something and trying not to think about it, I listen to music and do the chores…and if they’ve been done already, I do it again. That was just my way of getting over crazy feelings. Trust me, it worked every time. I immediately took out a tea cup, rinsed it under the sink tap, poured hot water in it and placed it in front of her. Then I brought out the bread from the fridge, put half of the egg on a saucer and placed it right beside the cup. Her eyes roamed with me all through.

And then I decided to talk. “I’m not upset.”

“Of course you are.” She said, opening a tin of milo. “And if you’d just talk to Daniel, maybe…”

Oh my God…the traitorous friend! Hearing Daniel’s name was a trigger for me…not to be angry…but to remember what I’d been clearly trying to forget for the last few hours.

“Kendra please…stop talking.”

“Woah, someone’s added me to the list too.” She replied immediately.

I decided I wasn’t going to do that with her. I worked too hard to not think about what happened. I worked too hard not to still be upset. I turned away from her to make my own tea.

“He said it was a misunderstanding.” Kendra continued. I ignored her completely. “He said she was just a friend who…”

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