It has never been hard to keep my feelings in check. I’m always in control of everything.
Even my thoughts...
But these past few days….
Thoughts of Bibi have stuck in my head somehow and every way I’ve tried to get it out has failed.
I keep getting things done awkwardly ever since waking up the morning after I made her a woman.
Gee I shouldn’t be using that phrase…
I feel really arrogant…
I can’t believe I’d been so arrogant with her
But it’s not my fault, I’m used to it. I mean, arrogance is what has kept me, what has pushed away weakness and made me really tough.
And i’ve always been really happy with it...
Until now.
That night, Bibi opened up to me about her feelings.
Just as I had been suspecting, she was in love with me...even though she didn’t say it, it was obvious in the way she acted after we had sex…most girls would cry right after it since it was their first time but not Bibi. She was happy and i drained it when I made it seem like she was lucky to have been with me like that.
At first, I thought her reaction was funny…
Especially when she threw the pillow at me and ran out of my bedroom.
I still smile at the memory.
I never thought she was going to leave seeing that her phone was still on the side table so later when she didn’t return, I went down after her hoping she would be calm by then.
I found her gone and according to my securit...hours ago.
She had gone without her phone and didn’t care to pick it up even after a week later.
Obviously, she was still mad at me and so, avoiding me.
I stayed away too but it was really hard so one night...
I went looking for her at a place she loved hanging at and found behind the counter, her friend Kendra and one other girl I’ve seen her with a couple of times but don’t really know (hey, it’s cause she hardly talks about her). Bibi said she works at the bar there.
Her friends were really protective of her and treated me like crap but I don’t blame them because even if they understood what happened, they’d still be on their friend’s side.
"I just need to return her phone." I said, taking out the phone from my pocket
Kendra reached out for the phone and i snatched my hand back...
Along with the phone.
"I’d like to give it to her myself. I hope that’s not a problem"
She just rolled her eyes at me and i had to pinch myself to keep from laughing at how bulgy they looked.
"I’ll get her then." She said.
She went in through a door and came back out with Bibi who obviously has been told the news because she just took the phone from me saying,
"You didn’t have to."
And was about to head back in when I stopped her, asking her if she was still mad at me but her answer was confusing…
Something about it not being my business but it was because I was the only one she was mad at.
I tried analysing it but it only got me standing there at the counter more confused than ever as the three friends went in through the door.
I only realised I had been standing there when Kendra came back and asked what I was still doing there.
My answer was in the way I walked out!
Over the month, i’ve had the chance of a few glimpses of her.
At Toye’s party...
At the charity event Biodun Taylor held for a little kid suffering from leukemia...
Infact she was almost everywhere Toye hung out.
Toye is Kendra’s cousin.
She is always around him and since Bibi is Kendra’s best friend, she is always around him too. Sometimes i wonder if she has her own life ( she better not hear i said this).
Everytime i saw her, there was always a war between desire and pride inside of me.
Pride always won.
What hurt actually, was the way she carried herself like she was living fine without me.
Yeah, she’s a strong girl who knows how to control herself and deal with her feelings sometimes
and i was the one here...trying all i could to not get depressed seeing her happy and having fun all the time.
I missed her, i missed the moments we shared and how naive she sometimes was but i still refused to admit to myself that i might have been in love with her then…how much more do anything about it.
I didn't open up to any of my friends about my deal with Bibi…
Okay maybe Nkem.
We told eachother stuff we couldn't tell the others. He kept telling me i was in love with the girl and everytime, i asked him to beat it cos i was not the lover boy type that i wasn't going to love some woman even in a million years to which he'd always laugh and say,
"You’ll see, you’ll see."
Several weeks now have passed since i last saw her and i’m still fantasizing about her body.
That first time was really good even though it was her first time and some how, i’m dreaming of a second chance at making love to her.
Now i’m calling it lovemaking?
Hey, i have to be dreaming or something.
But i’ve been biting my lips for minutes and i haven’t woken up.
Lately, it’s been affecting my work. The idea was to concentrate on other things but it hasn’t worked. It's only got my employees asking me all the time if i’m alright and maybe i should take time off..(my temper has been really short).
I finally decide to take sometime off.
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